Postcard from the in-between
A personal story of stepping into the unknown
There’s a place between the life you had and the one you haven’t met yet. It’s strange, quiet, and full of questions. I know by now that for me, the only way I can create and express is by sharing from my own deeper knowing, from a place I’ve personally explored. And if there’s one thing I know intimately, it’s the space between.
This space has defined the last few years of my life, ushering in a complete realignment of work, lifestyle, and identity. I went from being a full-time employee with a stable career and a clear trajectory to a full-on life revamp. From being anchored to one place and schedule that took over my days, to choosing where I live, how I live, and who I serve.
It didn’t happen overnight. It took a huge leap into the unknown. Maybe you’re in that space now. Maybe you’re on your way out of it. Wherever you find yourself, I hope this offers a sense of company and tiny bright light you can walk toward when everything else feels uncertain.
The Life I Was Meant to Want
All my adult life, my path has meandered. Partly because I’m just built like this (INTP here, with a very strong P), partly because I had to adapt to life in a post-recession world. Coming of age, having to kickstart a career at the worst possible time and recession in recent memory (see the financial collapse of 2008), I had to figure it out in the dark. I’ve had so many endings and beginnings that living in the unknown became my default.
And yet, I was still following the blueprint I’d been given: go to school, get a good job, work hard to climb through the pecking order, retire, live. In this order. A clear, straightforward route with few real alternatives.
Find your own way within a well-established system, pick your flavor, but stay within the lines!
For years, my engine ran on the need to prove I was worthy, that I could to succeed. I only see it clearly in hindsight. What once felt personal, I now recognize as a rite of passage in our twenties: a necessary drive to carve out space in the world.
But at least all that striving got me somewhere. By the metrics of my age and aspirations, I got to where I was supposed to be. I had the job title, working with great people, making more money than I needed, and thirty-six leave days per year to spend my well-earned money. Freedom of some sort.
The Question
Yet at the same moment I had “arrived”, a deeper question emerged - Do I really want this?
Spoiler alert: It was not. But it took me a long time to see it and do something about it, for my inner knowing to catch up and convince my rational mind. I wasn’t ready to say “No, actually it’s not at all what I want”.
The moment the question popped into my mind, long before I dared to answer, was the exact moment I stepped into the space between. I tried to ignore it, carry on with life as I knew it, but it wouldn’t go away. It kept nagging at me until I simply had to concede that I had to do something.
So I left. I let go of this good thing I had going, potentially ruining my career and my life, landing fully in the middle of nowhere. My old life was no longer it, and I had no idea yet what my new life would become. On the 1st of January 2020, I was no longer an employee. I had a one-way ticket to Asia and a let’s-see-where-this-goes mindset.
The Frame
I left without a real plan. I gave myself a year to wander, looking to break my reality bubble and see how others were “doing life” without the structure of a traditional job. From that, I trusted that my way would find me. Or to any extent, I expected it to be a transformative time, and how could I even know what I would want by the end of that year?
Even though I was inviting a lot of variables into my life, I was very clear about one thing: I needed a defined container to protect myself from the pressure of figuring it out. Committing to a full year in the in-between was like a permission slip. I could explore without having to land anywhere for a while. It allowed me to just be with curiosity.
Bracketing my time in those initial stages made all the difference for my peace of mind.
What Found Me There
Besides, how could I have known what was to come?
The pandemic kicked off after only 2 months of wandering around Asia, turning the year of travel into a quiet time in a Balinese village. The Nowhere-to-be, Nothing-to-do space was a fertile soil, though, as from it emerged Intooit - my professional expression in the world.
I picked up the loose threads of being a self-taught graphic designer, my studies in marketing and sociology, and my work ethic and skills gathered in my previous life. Brand strategy made sense for me, pulling together all the seemingly unrelated interests I’d gathered into something cohesive and meaningful. I still remember the euphoria I felt when the realization landed, right around the end of 2020.
The Path Keeps Moving
I left my old life knowing that I could always return. But since making the change (five years as I write this), it feels like I’ve been in a process of stumbling forward without ever really falling.
The forward stumble is more measured now, more grounded, yet the feeling remains: still unsure where the next step will lead, but watching with curiosity how the path unfolds ahead of me. I'm learning to follow what resonates and to stay open to what wants to find me.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a passive time. There’s still a lot of (inner) work to be done. But it’s a divergent stage, one where we’re not meant to know exactly what we’re looking for. We’re simply gathering information; the clarity and integration will come later when ready. It’s a continuous practice to release control yet remain committed to the slow process of peeling back the layers, beyond conditioning, expectations, inherited stories, and self-made limits.
I’ve learned a lot about living with uncertainty that I couldn’t have known otherwise. I have this deep trust that no matter what, in whatever way, the water will settle and I will come out on the other side wiser. So knowing this, trusting the process, I can now sit in the space between with curiosity and awareness. I can let it unfold.
Join me in The Space Between
If this resonated, there’s more where it came from. My Substack is where I write in real time, sharing the raw, the real, and the questions I’m living. Come say hi.